I’ve heard that when we face death, our whole life would pass before us in a flash. One flash. A single moment when all the moments that touched us flicker one last time in our eyes.
Made me wonder what I will see if I was to face death today. Life seems so long and endless sometimes but the moments I’ve lived, truly lived, are so few and far between. Almost twenty years of life and what have I felt? Large stretches of my life are like air trapped in an empty bottle in the attic. No ripples, no fragrance, no rising dust. Then one of those moments happen when time that had stood still until then suddenly becomes real. But soon the sudden tide settles and the waters become still until another one hits.
If death were to stare at me in the face right at this moment what would I remember? What would flash? Maybe the sudden joy when mom and not the maid came to school to pick me up after school just once in kindergarten. The numbness when in my head as my dad lifted a four year old me, covered in blood from a gash on the forehead, and ran as he waved to halt a bus to take me to the emergency room. Running wildly through the light and shade of the old acacia trees in the old school court yard with the best of friends. The sudden shock when a trail of red down my legs took away a childhood and left me with secrets to keep and things to hide. Moments of warmth, sitting on the rails of the school bus stop, samosas in hand, talking about anything and everything. Whistles. Blushes. Waking up to the song of birds outside and walking out into the morning to discover a world changed by the night’s downpour. Other moments when you die a little, when the bed room door slams and the room fills with hate and the pink pillows become wet. Some moments stand out , those of hope, of peace. The flash of smile on grandma’s face as I walk unexpected through her smoked kitchen door, that feeling of having come home. A walk on the beach, a lonely sunset. Moments that make one dream.
Twenty years leaves one with a handful of moments. As though life existed only for a few short seconds, as though the rest was smoke. There’s no reason to crib about the loss of time then. No reason to pound at the watch as you wait for a friend on the park bench. Life happens it its own sweet time. A year lost in idleness? What does it matter? Was there one moment in it to cherish? Then you’re compensated.
2 comments:
touched....liberated..for i just experienced life's quintessence. Thanks.
Grazie.. :) for taking the time to read it .
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